I start with the name of "Allah". I start with Your Holy name Ya Rabb. The meaning of "Allah" is "the One Who has the power to take things from nonexistence and make them exist", only You have that Power. You are capable to create. No one else can create but You.
I worship You alone with no partners! I know for a fact that my Lord He exists. You are REAL! If someone was to come up to me and try to tell me that You do not exist I would say: look at your hands, LOOK AT YOUR DAMN HANDS! Do you see it? Is it real? It's right there in front of you and you see it right? You know it's there, YOU CLEARLY SEE IT! So if the person was persistent upon their idiocracy and they still say "No, I don't see my hand right in front of me" do you wanna know how I would react Ya Rabb? I would smack them upside they head! "Did you feel that smack?" Ya Allah that was just an analogy, Your example is far greater.
The I-Phones are very popular nowadays. The company Apple was the one to manufacture them. But were they the one to create I-Phones, take them from nonexistence and make them exist? No, they only manufactured it. Meaning: They took what was already out, the parts and the pieces and they used it to create the I-Phone. The I-Phone has a battery right, where did that battery come from? The I-Phone has a glass screen right, who created that glass screen? The I-Phone is made out of metal right, where did that metal come from? YOU! You're the One Who is responsible, You are responsible for creating all that is in existence, I love You and I will never associate partnership with You.
That would be dumb. Why would I associate partnership with You if that is wrong, there is nothing more wrong than the belief that "God has a partner." Well there's only one thing that is more wrong than that Ya Rabb, may You protect us from such blasphemy but there are some people who believe that "there is no God", or that they are in a state of incertitude about whether You exist or not. This is blasphemy, may You protect us. It's one thing to say that God has a son or partner, but to believe or blatantly say that You do not exist. What crime could be worse than that Ya Rabb. They have reached to that conclusion and they are firm on that. These people truly believe that You do not exist. And it's not like You didn't send people to inform us about You. You have sent 124,000 men to inform the people about Your existence. They was all sent throughout time, and they all had the same message, which was: Allah exists and He is the only deserving of being worshipped. But let's just say that You did not even send those men to tell us about You, still, Your existence is clear. If one was to just look arund his surroundings and analyze things carefully then they will have to come to the final conclusion that there is a God and He is One and All-Powerful.
Ya Rabb, One of Your many attributes is Knowledge. You have 13 special attributes that the scholars say that it's an obligation to know them all, one must not know them by heart, but they should just know that they are real and that You have them. You do not only have 13 attributes, or 99 names, no, to You belongs all the perfect names and attributes. All of Your attributes is also Your names. But You are attributed with an Eternal Knowledge. The Knowledge that You have encompasses all. You know all Ya Rabb, even if something does not happen then You still have knowledge of how it would've been if it did happen. Anything that You decree upon us is with Your Eternal Knowledge, this is why we say: "Allah Knows best" because certainly You know. You have to know, because I do not. If You are ignorant about anything than You do not deserve to be worshipped.
Through Your Eternal Knowledge You have made fornication to be among the major sins. And by the way Ya Rabb, anything that You deem Haalal or Haraam is for our own betterment. It's good for us, we might not understand it but You do. If a mother and a father has a small toddler child and they take him to the playground they might say "Ok Jason you can play in the entire playground but just don't go in the street okay?" Jason might nod his head in agreement but he might not understand what the big deal is. He might not understand "why my parents don't want me to go in the street, it's not like there's any cars, and plus nobody comes to this playground." Jason's young mind might not understand why his mom and dad is so edgy about me going to the street, but your mom and dad certainly knows. What they didn't tell You is that there's a pedophile and a child mollestor that lives in the neighborhood, and they don't want you to get hurt by him because they love you and want you to be okay. That was just an analogy Ya Rabb, Your example is much greater than that.
But through Your Eternal Knowledge You have made fornication to be among the major sins. Fornication in Islamic terminology is: "the head of the penis going inside the vagina of a woman that you are not married to," that is the definition of Zinaa in Islam. The Shaytaan once came to me Ya Rabb. The accursed devil, he came to me, and he whispered in my ears. So this is what happened Ya Rabb: I was on the phone with this girl, and me and her made plans to later on rendevous at her house so we could engage in intercourse. That was the plan and me and her both agreed to it. So as I was walking to her house with my sinful feet. Because every step that I took to her house is a sin of the feet. Also Ya Rabb the most scariest part about Judgement Day is the fact that our own organs will testify against us. So our feet, hands, eyes, they will testify against us and tell all that we used to do in this world on the Day of Resurrection. That's scary Ya Rabb. Because I trust my feet and my hands, I've had them all my life, and I'm thinking that they love me too and care about me but obviously they don't, they only care about You. But that's understandable, because everything that exists should place their loyalty and trust in You, I place my loyalty and trust in You, I love You and I will never associate any partnership with You.
So I resolved to not go to her house, because keep it a bean Ya Rabb: What's the point in going to a girl's house and having temporary pleasure in return for an eternity in hellfire? So as I was walking back Iblees came to me and he whispered to me like "yeah fornication is haraam, but you can just put on a condom and that will act as a barrier." So then I began to think about it like "Mhmm... that does make sense a tad bit" then I came back to my sense. If you have on a condom and you insert it in a girl's vagina is the penis still going inside the vagina? Umm... yes! This is how the Shaytaan works Ya Rabb. He knew that I really wanted to go that girl's house and do the sin, he knew that I was thinking about her all week, he knew that so he toyed with me and used my desires against me, but You protected me, and I thank You, I love You, and You are one.
Also among Your many attributes that You have and the scholars say that it's an obligation to know is Your "Will." Everything exists by Your Will Ya Rabb. None of us truly has Will except for You. We might think that we have Will but we do not truly, only You are attribute with Will. If I truly had Will than I can be able to make it rain right now, or if I look in my pockets I will see a $100 dollar bill. But no, none of that is by my will, it's only by Your Will. You give us "choices" not will. We can choose to do what we want to do, but You already know the choice that we are going to choose because You are the Knower of All. As You know Ya Rabb, I smoke weed and watch porn... A lot! Those are sins, they are both major sins and I should not be doing them, because You have prohibited me from doing them. "God" doesn't want me to smoke weed, but I still do. That is "my choice" I choose to smoke weed willingly, while knowing that it's a sin and that I should not be doing it, but I still do it Ya Rabb, that is my choice. So that is the difference between Your Will and our choice. And You are the One Who Wills for me to do those sins. You are the one that willed for me to smoke weed and watch porn, and any other sin that I may committ. But it is not a dispraise to say that You will for evil and sin to take place, no, that is not a dispraise of You. May You protect us, but there are some people in the world, when they are mad that something happened or mad about the situation that they are in they say: "How could God do this to me??" This is blasphemy Ya Rabb. Because it is not being content with the decree of Allah.
I like to eat fried chicken Ya Rabb. Preferably the breasts or the thighs, but if the breast or thighs of the chicken is not available then the leg of wing will suffice. While I eat fried chicken I like to have ketchup to go with it. While I break off some of the breast of the chicken and I prepare to dip it into the ketchup I think to myself: "Insha'llah I will put ketchup on this chicken breast!" because I can only do it by Your Eternal Will.
You Exist! I know this, I do not doubt at all. I cannot see You, because You are the Hidden, Al-Baatin. But You are all over, because You are the manifest Az-Zaahir. When I say that You are all over this is what I mean: Obviously You are the Only God, and if that is true and You are truly God, than You cannot be in a place, because the One Who is in a place is in need of that place. Now we do not deny Your existance, we affirm that. But we deny the belief that You exist within a place.
Thank You for my hands, thank You for my eyes, thank You for my mouth, thank You for my lips, thank You for my body. Wow! You have given me 23 years of life, 23N YEARS! Wow, give me more Ya Rabb, I beg of You, please give me more! Please God, I want more life, I DON'T WANNA DIEE!!
Please raise the rank of my master Muhammad, sallahu alayhi wa sallem, the best of us, the best of Your creation. The seal of all the Prophets. The Holy Prophet PBUH was illiterate, he was unable to read or write, but does that mean that he was dumb or slow in the mind? NO! Every one of Your Prophets was intelligent and very wise, it would be blasphemy for one to say that there was ever a dumb Prophet. Because that contradicts the Religion, and anything that contradicts the Religion is blasphemy
Please raise the rank of my father Ibrahim AS. I love my father Ya Rabb, he has taught me so much, and he is still teaching me. My father loves you soo much and he knew that You are the only God and he never dared to assocciate a speck of partnership with You. You have tested my father in many ways, You only test those You truly love. By Your Will, my father was able to pass all those tests that You gave him. My father was 86 when he had his first child, Ismael AS. 86 years old! He had wanted a child for the longest but his wife, Sarah, whom he loved so much, she was barren, meaning that she was not able to reproduce children. Even though he was getting to be very old he never lost hope, he kept making Dua to You and pleading to You "Ya Rabb, please give me a son Ya Rabb, You are Able!" So his wife Sarah, sees her husband always making Dua to You and asking You to give him a chukd and she just felt so bad, because Ibrahim had given her everything and she was not able to give him a child, this saddened her a lot. So what happens next: His wife, Sarah, she then decides to give Ibrahim her slave, Haajar, she gave her to him so that he could marry her and have a child. "Go Ibrahim, take Haajar, marry her, have children, and may God bless you, and may God bless me and you." He had to marry her before having children because no Prophet ever committed the sin of fornication, or any other major sin. The Prophets, all 124,000 of them are protected from committing blaspheny, major sins, and the small sins which shows a low character. Like stealing one grape, or lustfully looking at the opposite sex in a haraam manner.
Please raise the rank of all the angels. I love them all Ya Rabb. Why? Because the angels are all Your obedient slaves, they love and never disobey You, and I love anyone who loves You. Bless the angels that are carrying the Throne, they are eight now but on the Day of Judgement they will be four. Please bless Israfill, please tell him to remove an inch of his lips on the trumpet. Please bless Maalik, raise his rank and bless him Ya Rabb. It is not an easy task to be the gatekeeper of hell. Maalik is responsible for torturing all the billions that are in hellfire right now. That cannot be an easy task to complete.
My sins are horrendous. They are absolutely terrible. But I worship a Lord Who is forgiving. The Lord that I place my forehead on the ground for has the Power to forgive every one of my sins, He has the Power to Pardon my sins and completely disregard them, and He even has the Power to convert all those sins into good deeds. The Lord that I worship is All-Knowing, and it is He Who knows well that I am a weak creation, He knows that He has created me to be weak and liable to fall into error time and time again. Where would I be without Your Mercy Ya Rabb? Where would I be and how can I live without it? Ya Allah what are ny sins:
1. I watched porn and masterbated Ya Rabb
2. I watched porn and masterbated again Ya Rabb
3. I slandered a porn star and called her a whore and she could be a potential Muslim Ya Rabb
4. I smoked weed and got high and bragged about it Ya Rabb
5. I looked at a girl's backside and went home and thought about her while I masterbated Ya Rabb
6. She had on her Hijab Ya Rabb! I was at school and I saw her and it stimulated me inside, the Shaytan caused for me to stare and keep starring. I was starring hard Ya Rabb
7. I smoked weed again Ya Rabb
These are all sins. These sins are heinous, they are disgusting, they are filthy, they are hideous, but I still did them Ya Rabb. I did them, ME! I have committed these sins and I am so ashamed of myself, I regret having done these sins solely because I have disobeyed my Creator. Not because I smoked weed, marijuana is nothing but a creation, porn is nothing but a creation, that girl's backside is nothing but a creation. I do not fear any creations Ya Rabb. But it's the fact that the One Who created me has prohibited for me to committ these sins, but I still did them, and I regret having done that. Please forgive me Ya Rabb, I'm sorry.
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I ask You for Your blessings, please bless me, protect me, give me long life, don't let no harm come upon me, sustain me Ya Rabb. Please, YOU'RE ALL I HAVE!
I ask You to please allow me to go to the Mosque at 4431 Walnut St. Philadelphia, PA on Friday for Jummuah. Please Ya Allah, I want to go to Your House and worship You and have my sins forgiven. Please God, I beg of You, don't let me die before Friday, I want to go to Jummuah and repent to You, please keep me alive. Please bless my mother Ya Allah, bless my mother PLEASE! This woman gave birth to me. Ya Allah, pregnancy and child birth is not easy, not at all. When Lady Maryam AS, when she was giving child birth she was under a palm tree and the pain was so hard for her that she yelled out "I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN AND DIED BEFORE THIS!" Because the pain of giving birth was so hard for her. Every woman has to undergo that pain in order for her to deliver a baby and bring he or she into this world, that is the worst pain Ya Allah, there is no pain in the world that is greater than a woman giving birth! My mother, she went through that, I slept in her stomach for nine months and she made sure that I was healthy and while I was in her stomach she was even cautious to eat certain foods that she liked because she feared that it will hurt me. She feared for my life more than her own life Ya Rabb. Please bless that lady, give her long life, make all of her dreams and wishes come true. Please bless me to be able to bring her into this country one day so that I can take care of her children, build her a house, and kiss her feet!
Please bless my father Ya Rabb, I beg of You. My father is a pious Muslim, he loves You so much. Bless him, guide him, and forgive him Ya Rabb, You are Able! Surely if You can forgive someone like Umar ibn Al Kathaab then You can forgive Abu Bakarr. Umar, a person who used to fornicate and drink. He was on his way to kill Your Prophet Ya Rabb, he wanted to kill Your Messenger sallahu alayhi wa sallam. Surely Ya Rabb, if You can forgive somebody like Umar ibn Al Kathab and grant him Paradise, then surely You can forgive my father. Help him in whatever difficulty that he might face, sustain him. Make all of his dremas and wishes come true. My father has struggled so much for me. I used to hold his hands and he would take me to the Mosque to pray to You. My father is still struggling Ya Rabb, it's still hard for him, please alleviate his suffering a little bit Ya Rabb.
Please punish Salamatu Tunkara Ya Rabb, PLEASE! This lady is bad, she drove me out of my home and she drove my father out of his home. I have forgiven her. A long time ago, even when she accuses me of mollesting her 2 year old daugter, I still forgave her, why? Because Your Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was very forgiving, and I wish to emulate his characteristic traits so that I can be accepted by You also. Even though I forgive her for everything that she has done to me in that house I do not forget, I do not forget the way she treated me. She came in my room at 12am midnight, she started accusing me of things that I had no knowledge of, and she even started to slap me and push me and physically abuse me Ya Rabb. Even though she did all that I still forgive her, I don't have any enmity for her. Grant her long life and guide her towards Your Religion.
1. Hajj Amin is a pious Muslim. Ya Rabb, I came to the Masjid at 4431 Walnut St. Philadelphia, PA. I came there for Jummuah and I sat down and saw him on the side with his dhikr beads, he was sitting there remembering You and saying "sallallahu" he kept repeating the name of Your Prophet. Then when he saw me he smiled and greeted me, he said "As-Sallamu Alaykum" then he shook my hand Ya Rabb, not with one hand, but WITH TWO! You have taken the life of Hajj Amin, grant him Jannah Tul Firdos, forgive him for all of his sins, bless and protect his family. AAMEN!
2. Shakur is a pious Muslim Ya Rabb. I saw Shakur outside the store, he saw me and he greeted me and shook my hands and said "As-Sallamu Alaykum." He smiled at me Ya Rabb, he gave me charity. And whilst I was leaving to head home Shakur followed me, he followed me and he stood on top of the hill, and then he called out to me, he said "HEY!" And that was he came down, he came down from the hill in which he wss on and he rushed towaards me, and that was when he reached in his pocket and pulled out a bottle of oil and he handed it to me. And I said "no no brother, I can't take this, I don't have any money" and that was when he smiled at me and said "No, take it, free it's yours" and what did he say as he turned around to walk back and leave, he said "for the sake of Allaah." Ya Rabb, he did not do that for me, he didn't want to make me happy, no, he did that for the sake of You. He knows that is a deed that You accept and You will reward him for, please reward him Ya Rabb, give him long life, make all of his dreams and wishes come true.
3. Shaykh Sayf and Shaykh Ahmad are both pious Muslims. They are my teachers Ya Rabb, they both give me so much knowledge, constant knowledge time and time again. They just always give me knowledge, such beneficial knowledge, and I don't pay them a cent, I don't give them any money Ya Rabb. And the knowledge that they both give me is much more valuable than money. Please bless my teachers Ya Rabb. I ask You to increase their knowledge, I ask You to elongate their life span, I ask You to make them both die as perfect Muslims, I ask You to keep them both on this straight path of Islam, I ask you to keep them both safe, I ask You to bless and protect their families.
4. Hajj Anwar is a pious Muslim. Everytime that I go for Jummah at the Mosque located at 4431 Walnut St. Philadelphia, PA. Hajj Anwar is always the first one I see there. He wishes to earn Your acceptance Ya Rabb, He loves You so much. Bless him Rab, give him long life, let no harm befall him, protect him from every evil, PLEASE!
5. Muhammad is a pious Muslim Ya Rabb. Bless that man please. Shaykh Muhammad is pious, his father is pious, Amir Muhammad is pious, anybody whose name is "Muhammad" is a pious Muslim. Bless all of them and give them long life.
I start with Your name and I end with it Ya Rabb. You are the First and Last, Awwaal and Akhir. You.are.God. There can be no other explanations, there are no ways to possibly describe it. It has to be You. Ya Rabb I had a massive brain aneurysm, I had to undergo surgery and my balance became impaired and so did my eyesight and speech, but I did not die. So I was in a wheelchair and on a hospital bed for some time, while I was laying in that hospital bed I had a lot of time to reflect and think, just ponder about life in general. I didn't have anything better to do, because I couldn't read books, use the computer, or watch TV due to my impaired vision, I couldn't get up and walk to places if I wanted to due to my impaired balance and being in a wheelchair. So what else could I do right? So while I was laying in that hospital bed I began to stare at the ceiling and I started to think "what could it all mean?" Now before this I had already converted to Islam, my brother Salah took me to a nearby Masjid and I said my Shahada and three months later I was laying in the hospital bed, just thinking. I knew that there had to be a greater purpose to all of this because You do not just Will for anything to happen. It was then that I realized: "I need to go to the bathroom and make Wudu and pray". So that's what I did, I got on my wheelchair, I told the nurse that I had to go to the bathroom, I went in the bathroom, washed my hands, face, I nearly fell while trying to wash my foot but all praise to You for not allowing me to fall. I prayed while laying down on that hospital bed, I prayed like I never prayed before. I did not even know that it was permissible for me to pray while laying down or if it was going to be accepted, it was later on when I got out the hospital and went to the Masjid at 4431 Walnut St. Philadelphia, PA Shakh Ahmad was giving a class and he told me that it is permissible for one to pray while laying down.
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