My father stared at me with a blank expression on his face without blinking. How did he know that I was planning on doing that? Well it wasn’t really my main objective for going to her house tomorrow. I really just wanted to go over there to see her and spend time with her, having intercourse with he was at the back of my mind.
“Whatever you do, no matter how tempted you may become, don’t sleep with that girl.” My father said as his gaze was still fixed on me.
“Jason…” My father said as he lightly cleared his throat. I know that this was very hard for him to say. My father then turned his head and he began to stare at the stovetop. The seriousness that was on his face remained there, he stared at the stove for a few seconds, carefully choosing his words and what to say.
“My son, I know that you are young, and I know that… It’s not easy for you, being the age that you are, you may often times experience new feelings or you may have certain tendencies that may be new to you.” My father said, as he kept staring at the stovetop without blinking.
My father then turned his head and faced me. “But I want you to know…” He said.
“Sleeping with that girl will only be the easy way out, and it will not lead to any good. You will later on regret it in life and you will wish that you never did it, but you will not be able to go back in time and change what you have done.” My father said as he kept staring at me.
I stared at my father as he stared at me back. The only difference between his stare and mines was that I was blinking while staring at him, and he wasn’t. I tried to understand what he was talking about it in my head, I tried to make sense of it. It just didn’t make sense to me. It was just sex… Everybody does it! What could possibly be so bad about it. But the look that my father was giving me, that stare. I knew that he was very serious about this topic, and he wanted for me to listen to him and take heed.
“If you really like this girl and want to be with her, you would marry her, and then you can have sex with her as much as you want.” My father said to me.
I stared at my father as he stared back. This time, I wasn’t blinking. I didn’t know what to say to him. But the dead stare that he was giving me allowed me to know that he was serious right now, and he wanted for me to give him a serious response back.
But I didn’t know what to say. I could tell him “okay, I won’t have sex with her”, but what if I go there tomorrow and one thing leads to another, and I end up sleeping with her? I am a very introspective person. I know the type of man that I am. I always follow my hedonistic nature and I always put my self-pleasure first, without thinking about anything. That is the type of person that I have always been. Marrying Christy was not the difficult part for me, if my father really wanted me to do that then I had no problem, plus I could actually picture spending my entire life with her. It was not having intercourse with her tomorrow, that’s what is going to be the hard part, but… I couldn’t tell my father no; I couldn’t break his heart. He really wanted me to not do this for some reason. I had to make him happy.
“Okay oldhead, I won’t, I won’t sleep with her tomorrow.” I said to my father as I stared at him with a straight face. I knew I most likely was not going to be able to refrain from having sex with Christy tomorrow, but I was willing to say whatever in order to make my father happy.
He then got up from the chair he was seated at again and he walked over to me. Then he rubbed my head again and looked at me and smiled.
“You know Jason, I know I never really tell you this… but I am so proud of you, I am proud of the man that you are growing up into.” He said. The straight serious look that was on his face had now transformed into a pleasant smile. He smiled at me without showing his teeth, and he closed his eyes.
The statement that my father just told me gave me a certain feeling, in the pit of my stomach. A feeling of relief, contentment, satisfaction. For some reason, all this time I was thinking that my father may not have liked the person that I have grown up to be, or he may not be proud of me. To have him say that he was happy and proud of me really made me feel… good. I didn’t know how to explain that feeling but it felt like a heavy boulder has been lifted off my shoulders. My father’s happiness and acceptance was really all that I wanted, and to have him tell me that he was happy and proud of me, it really felt good.
“Thanks oldhead.” I said as I gave him a weak smile back.
My father then walked back over to his chair and he sat down, while still smiling. Then I asked him, “so how do I marry her, is that even legal?” I asked him as I twisted my face.
“Do not worry about the legality and matters of that sort, just talk to her about it tomorrow, and after you do, come talk to me and tell me what she says.” He said, as he took another spoonful bite out of rice out of his bowl that was placed in front of him.
I looked at my father as he was finishing his bowl of rice. “Okay, I got you, I will.” I said to my father.
He looked up at me and gave me a pleasant smile again. He then finished his bowl of rice and took the bowl and walked over to the sink.
“Just leave your bowl in the sink oldhead, I’ll wash it when I’m done eating, go get some sleep.” I said to my father.
My father turned his neck to face me, “Thanks son.” He said, as he placed his empty bowl of rice in the sink. He placed the bowl gently in the sink and he began to walk upstairs. Everything that my father did was in a gentle manner. He was never too excessive or too minimal or light, just moderate, in between. Even when he walked, he walked with a certain type of grace and pattern, in which it was not too speedy or too slow, just at a steady pace. My father climbed up the stairs and went to his room where my mother was sleeping, I heard the door shut, and I was left in the kitchen by myself.
I took some more spoonful bites out of the bowl, then I started thinking about what my father told me. Me… “marry Christy?” How was I even going to tell her? I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I knew that I was going to do it, because I already told my father that I was, and I can’t lie to him. Tomorrow when I go to her house…
My heart sank. If I go to her house tomorrow surely I was going to engage in intercourse with her, and even though I told my father that I wasn’t. I shook my head and quickly dismissed the thought from my head. Nope! I will not disobey my father like that. Tomorrow when I go to her house we’re just going to talk and spend time together, and that’s it!
I finished the bowl of rice and walked over to the sink to wash the dishes. I washed my father’s bowl first before I washed mines. My conversation with him was really something else. It felt good to know that my father was proud and happy of me. I didn’t really have the best grades in school, I didn’t really have the best of friends, I was hedonistic, I was selfish at times, I had all these bad characteristic, and still my father was proud of me, that felt really good. I smiled to myself as I was finishing washing the spoon. Tomorrow, as soon as I come back from Christy’s house, and I talk to her about marrying me, my father was going to be the first one that I call. I started thinking about Christy. How was I possibly going to get her to marry me? And how was I even going to break it to her?
I grabbed the water bottle from the counter top and took one last swig of the water down and put the empty water bottle in the trash, then I walked over to the end of the kitchen, and I turned off the light and began to head upstairs. I walked over to the bathroom close to my sister’s room, we had a total of two bathrooms, one of them was downstairs, that was the small one, and the large one that had the shower in it was upstairs, next to my sister’s room, that was the bathroom that had the shower in it and most of us used. Whenever we had guests over the house, they would use the bathroom downstairs. Sometimes I used that bathroom as well, but I only used it when I was watching TV downstairs and I was too lazy to go upstairs. I wasn’t the only one that did that. My mother and Cynthia did it as well, they were the ones who put me on, quite honestly. I was never the lazy type, whenever I wanted to use the bathroom I would walk upstairs and go use it. But so many times when me and Cynthia was downstairs watching TV, and she had to use the bathroom. Her legs would start trembling, and then she would pause the TV, or the movie in which we were watching, just so she can take a few steps to the bathroom. I hated every time she would do that, I always thought it was very inconsiderate of her. Me and you are watching TV together, if you have to go to the bathroom then at least ask me first before putting the movie on pause, but she would just do it without asking me, and then go use the bathroom. And for some reason, idk why, girls always take so long in the bathroom. It felt like she would be in there for hours on end. Then when she came back she would ask me “what did I miss?” Then she would resume the movie in which we were watching together. She did that so many times that eventually it just stuck with me. Why use the bathroom upstairs when there is a perfectly working one over here downstairs in which I can use?
I didn’t have to urinate or defecate or anything like that, I just had to brush my teeth. I always brushed my teeth after I ate. That was something that I picked up from my father. When I was younger I would always see him brushing his teeth after he ate and I started to copy that habit of his, and now it has stuck with me through all these years.
I walked in the bathroom and turned on the light. The first thing that I saw was my reflection on the mirror. I stared at my reflection and looked at myself, I looked at my hair. It was definitely wolfing! I wasn’t lying to my father earlier, tomorrow I had a lot on my agenda. Smoke with Joe and Jerry in the morning before school, go to football practice, go over to Christy’s house, talk to her about marrying me, and get a haircut. Idk how I’m going to end up doing all of that but I’m going to find a way.
I applied some toothpaste to my toothbrush, “Colgate”, my favorite. Then I began brushing my teeth, I brushed hard, until my gums started bleeding, that always happened, so I didn’t mind. I made a cup with my right hand and turned on the water in the bathroom sink and put some water in my hand and I began to rinse out my mouth. Then I looked in the mirror and gave a big smile, to ensure that all my teeth were clean and spotless.
I walked out the bathroom, turned off the light, and then I walked to my room then I turned off the light in my room and headed for my bed. I slumped down on it and grabbed the cover and put it over my body. Christy came to my mind. I started thinking about her smile and the way she laughed, then I went to sleep.