I laid there in the bed with Christy. We were both lying down sideways. Her head was slightly rested on my forearm as I gently stroked her hair and rubbed her cheek with my fingers. Her eyes were closed, she was sleeping. Mines were opened, just staring at her and stroking her face with my fingers. Many thoughts filled my head, which made it impossible for me to go to sleep. The dream that I had… I was on the train tracks, I jumped to the oncoming train, Abdul was there, but he didn’t help me, he just starred. Arnold was there, he also stood with Abdul and didn’t say anything or try to help. It began to rain when the train hit me. I wasn’t alive anymore, I wasn’t in this world, but still I was able to see and hear everything that was going on. I saw my father crying in the car and then coming down to talk to the police officer and the train conductor, I saw Christy, she was also crying… because of me, because I wasn’t there with her. Many questions filled my head. How did I manage to come back after being hit head-on by a train? Is it supposed to mean something? And most importantly, who is this “Allah”? I knew that He had something to do with all of this. But who is he? His name kept popping inside my head. I tried to imagine a picture of him, but I was not able to, every time that I tried to imagine him I would just see a white wall and my head would start hurting.
I continued to lay there in the bed with Christy as I stroked her cheek with my hand and rubbed her hair. She is so beautiful. I never want for this moment to end. I decided to spend the night at her house. I called the oldhead earlier around 7pm and I told him that I was going to be sleeping over at Christy’s house.
“Okay Jason, how are you going to get school tomorrow?” He asked me.
“I’ll just walk with Christy, she lives close to the school.” I said.
“Do you have money to buy food and eat?” He asked me.
“Yeah bruh, I still got some of the money you gave me.” I said.
“Tomorrow, after football practice I’ll come back home.” I added.
“Okay okay, have you seen Cecilia, is she with you?” He asked.
“Uh… no. Did you try calling her cellphone?” I asked.
“Yes, I tried that, but she did not pick up. But I’m sure she’s fine. Call me tomorrow when you come home okay, because you might not meet me because I’m going to work.” He said.
“Okay, I got you.” I said. Then I hung up. -
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I reached in and gently kissed Christy on her bottom lip as she laid there. Her eyes were closed, her long black hair covered her eyes and most of her face, and it stretched out across the pillow in which she was laying her head on.
“You’re so beautiful baby, I never wanna lose you.” I silently whispered to her as her eyes were closed and I continued to rub her cheek.
Even though her eyes were closed and I knew that she was sleeping and couldn’t hear me, I still wanted to say it. Because maybe in her sleep, maybe in her dreams, she can possibly hear me, she can possibly see me, and she can know that my feelings for her is sincere. Ever since that dream, since I found out that Christy was crying for me, my feelings for her has now changed. Now I know that she truly cares about me, and I know that she doesn’t want me to ever leave her. And I would never! Where would I even go? My heart shuddered as I thought about it. Then I closed my eyes tight and turned my head away from her and laid down on my other side.
After a couple minutes Christy gently reached over with her hand and started to rub my chest, signaling for me to turn back around and face her.
“Bae what’s wrong?” She quietly asked me as I turned my body to face her.
“Nothing.” I said to her.
“Go back to sleep.” I added, then I began to turn my body away from her again.
She grabbed on to my shoulder and stopped me midway, then she turned me back around and looked at me in the eye, when I caught her eye I quickly turned my face away.
“Jason, why don’t you wanna look at me?” She asked me.
I didn’t say anything. I continued to look away.
“Jason tell me what’s wrong?”
I gave a long pause. Then I gave a heavy sigh.
“I’m…” I began to say.
“Yes? You’re what?” She asked me.
I gave a short pause. “I’m not no punk bae! I don’t like showing emotions, I don’t like being soft, I’m not no punk okay! I’m not no…” I began to say.
“Okay baby I never said you was.” She stopped me and said.
“Bae. there’s nothing wrong with being emotional, it’s actually very attractive. You don’t have to be hiding your emotions all the time. That’s not being honest, I want you to be real with me okay.” She said to me.
“Whatever.” I said as I dropped my head and started to look down.
“Bae… can I… tell you something?” I asked her.
“Yeah go ahead tell me bae.” She said to me.
I kept my gaze down, even though I knew that she was looking at me, I didn’t want to lift my head up and stare at her.
“Bae… sometimes… I…” I began to say.
“Sometimes you what baby?” Christy asked me as she gently placed her hand on my head and began to lift it up.
“Sometimes baby… I get scared.” I quietly said to her as my face was still down.
Christy didn’t say anything as her hands were still placed on my head.
“Scared of what baby?” She finally said.
I gave a long pause. That was the question that I didn’t want her to ask, because I myself didn’t even know how to answer it properly.
I then stopped facing her and turned back around on the bed. She placed her hands on my back and gently turned me back around and began to rub my face.
“Jason. Please talk to me. Afraid of what bae?” She said to me.
I kept my gaze down. For some reason, I was not able to look at her in her face.
She then placed her fingers on my chin and bent her head down so that she can be looking at me at eye level.
I then turned my back to her and placed my hands in between my thigs then I tightly shut my eyes.
“Jason, boy, why are you so afr...” She began to say.
“I’m afraid to lose you.” I said as a single tear trickled down my cheek.
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She didn’t say anything. There was a long pause. Christy had her hands placed gently on Jason’s back.
“Bae… why…” She began to say.
“Why would you lose me?” She asked me.
I didn’t respond. I kept my eyes shut as I continued staring forward. Christy was silent as well. She didn’t say anything as her hands were on my back.
“Jason…” Quietly she whispered.
Then she gave a short pause. She then took a huge breath, and slowly breathed out and began to sing.
So when you feel like hope is gone. Look inside you and be strong…
I then placed my hands over my ears. “AAAHH THE PAIN!” Quietly I said.
Christy erupted in laughter and pretended to push me.
“Shut up Jason!” She said as she continued to laugh.
“You know you love my singing.” She added.
I turned to face her and I gave a huge smile.
“I know nothing.” I said.
Then I placed my arm around her waist as we were laying down sideways on the bed.
“But do you wanna know what I do know though?” I said to her.
Christy pushed herself in closer to me and wrapped her arms around my neck.
“Tell me what you know Papi?” She said to me as she smiled.
I smiled back, then I gently kissed her nose. “I know you my boo, and I love you.” I said.
“I also know that you’re mines, and I can do to you, whatever, I, want.” I added.
Christy started laughing as her arms were wrapped around my neck.
“Boy noo you can’t.” She said.
“And why can’t I?” I asked her.
She wrapped her arms tighter around my neck and drew her body into me more. She looked at me and blinked a couple times. I could see the fire in her eyes as she looked at me and blinked.
“Because Jason… You don’t know what you’re doing.” She softly said.
I then began to smile as I looked at her in her eyes. I then reached my hand down and squeezed my index finger into her belly button. Then I started to go lower. I continued to look at her as I smiled.
She wasn’t wearing any pants, nor underwear.
“Say that again please.” I said to her with a smile as I dug my index finger into her crevice.
Christy then began to moan and she buried her head into my chest. I pushed my finger in deeper until I could feel a little bit dripping out, it felt like glue, as I clasped both my thumb and index finger together, they were almost sticking.
“Tell me what I don’t know how to do baby?” I said as I pushed my finger deeper into her. I could now feel the inside of her crevice, I moved my finger around as they were inside of her. Christy gave a loud yell and started biting an edge of the blanket, as her head was buried in my shoulder. Then tears began falling down her eyes as she continued moaning.
I held onto her head and began to wipe the tears falling down her face with the back of my hands.
“Aw don’t cry baby, I just wanna know what I don’t know how to do so I can perform better, don’t cry okay boo.” I said to her as my fingers dug deeper in. Now all four of my fingers were in, the only one that wasn’t in was my thumb. I started off with just my index finger.
I lifted my hand up to my mouth and began to lick it, I wanted to taste her juices. It tasted sweet, it tasted like the pink Gatorade.
“Bae have you been eating fruits recently?” I asked her as I continued to lick my finger.
Tears were still falling down her cheeks. She made a fist with her palm as she began to bite down. Then she started shaking her head from side to side.
“No baby I just…”
I quickly stuck my finger back deep inside her and looked at her in the eyes as I grabbed her cheek and began to squeeze gently.
“Did I tell you to talk?” I asked her.
Christy began shaking her head from side to side as more tears began to fall down her cheeks.
She gave a loud shriek and began to moan. I knew that her mother was in the other room sleeping, and she has to get her rest because she works very long hours. I thought Christy to be very inconsiderate. Doesn’t she know that she’s making a lot of noises and could possibly wake up her sleeping mother?
I quickly removed my hand from her cheek and stuck some fingers into her mouth as my other hand was down rubbing her crevice.
“You’re making a lot of noise; I don’t want you to talk okay?” I quietly said to her as I looked at her in her eyes.
More tears trickled down Christy’s cheek as she nodded her head up and down.
“Ye-ye-yes daddy.” She said.
Then I dived my head inside the blanket and began to open her legs. As I looked in between. I could see the crevice with the two pair of lips staring at me.
“DON’T LOOK AT ME!” I said to the lips.
They didn’t say anything back. My eyes were fixed on them, as they stared back at me.
“I HATE YOU!” I said to it.
After a couple seconds I began to get infuriated as I stared at the two pieces of skin.
I reached down with my hand and grabbed both lips and began to squeeze them together. Christy gave a loud scream as she began to rub my head. I ignored her screams and brushed her hand away and continued to squeeze the two lips together. Then water started to develop within the crevice and I immediately knew, it was time. I dug my face in between her legs and bit the two lips and stuck my tongue inside of her crevice.
“JASSOON! STOOPP!” She gave a loud yelp and began moaning.
I lifted my head up to look at her in the face. Tears were falling down her cheek, mixed with black mascara. Her hair was flapped and it spread all over the pillow.
“You gon have my son!” I said to her.